INCREASE YOUR RESILIENCE

Stuff happens. Things don’t always go the way you envisioned. How do you react when you don’t get the promotion you deserve, when your daughter drops out of college, or your car doesn’t start? Even a workaday challenge like spilling your coffee as you’re walking out the door can spark frustration and a “why me?” reaction. Of course, now that you’re using all that you’re learning here, that doesn’t pertain to you right? Ha. Me too.

Let’s keep moving forward. At the core of managing emotions through mindfulness lies the practice of non-judgmental observation. This has been mentioned before and the good news is it gets easier with practice. You are an observer who watches the ebb and flow of emotions without getting snared in reaction. Mindfulness invites you to greet your emotions with an attitude of acceptance, allowing the feelings to be there for a moment before they dissolve.

When it comes to emotional intelligence, mindfulness magnifies your ability to discern emotional subtleties. Are you upset you spilled your coffee or simply nervous about a presentation you have at work? If you tune into the physical sensations, thoughts, and impulses associated with each emotion, you gain a deeper understanding of yourself.

Your body is also a tool to gain greater insights. One technique within the realm of mindfulness is the body scan. As you sit in meditation, bring your awareness to your body, gently scanning for any physical sensations associated with your emotions. Whether it's a tightening in the chest, a flutter in the stomach, or a warmth in the cheeks, this technique allows you to anchor your emotions in the somatic experience. By observing these sensations without judgment, you create a bridge between your mind and your body. So, you understand yourself a little better.

Mindfulness also serves as a translator between your emotions and insights. It might be as simple as a gut feeling to turn right instead of left. I bet you can think of fortuitous coincidences which led to a job your love, meeting a lifelong friend, or finding the house of your dreams. Through mindfulness, you become attuned to the messages that reflect your needs, desires, and values. This awareness deepens your emotional intelligence and allows you to act with wisdom and empathy.

But what about strong, intense feelings? When it comes to managing intense emotions, mindfulness functions as a refuge. (Yes, this gets easier with practice.)  Like a shelter in a storm, it provides a space where you can step back from the intensity of emotions. You can observe your feelings and allow them to unfold without a reaction which escalates the situation.

Mindfulness also nurtures self-compassion. Imagine a friend who listens without judgement and offers solace in a time of turmoil. Through mindfulness, you become a more understanding friend to yourself (and others). Where you once may have tried to fix the situation or complain about the unfairness of it, now you offer kindness and support. Your self-compassion becomes a buffer against self-judgment and harsh criticism. This fosters emotional resilience and nurtures your emotional intelligence.

And one more thing: In the midst of managing emotions and developing emotional intelligence, your breath is the anchor that tethers you to the present moment. Utilize the breath as a tool to navigate your emotions. When intense emotions arise, focus your attention on the breath, allowing it to serve as a calming force. Try it and you will understand the understated power of “breathe in, breathe out.”